Last Thursday, my compatriot in crime and I went out to a great meal and even better conversation. Unlike a typical Thursday date night filled with small talk or the occasional philosophical breakthrough, we had our first of many Courtship Conversations. These intense discussions are meant to actively prepare us for the “big decision”. Yup, we are taking a serious look at our compatibility as a couple. Neither of us wanted to become complacent or fall into a sense of comfort with our relationship. Really, we want to test what we both think may already be true.
So, each week we have a 1 hour conversation dedicated to covering 1 topic. That topic is chosen from a hat, but I don’t want to write on the process of the courtship, I just really wanted to mention the hat before I started my reflection.
Last week we talked about travel. We mutually decided on the topic so that we wouldn’t feel the need to become too vulnerable too quick.
I have to say it was a different experience than I would have originally imagined. In a normal discussion on travel, two people would cover where they would like to go and what they would like to do. We did that. However, we also thought about what travel may look like if we were married.
In a date, I would have never asked myself, “would I get upset if my significant other would go somewhere without me?”, “what if I wanted to go somewhere they never wanted to go, would I still go?”, “would I be okay leaving them behind?”, “what are the most important things for me to see when I travel? Do those align with this other person?”.
While we are not married, we still wanted to go in depth about our feelings. I think of all the arguments people have with travel. Our conversation probed all those potential avenues and pushed each of those could-be buttons looking for things to blow up.
Not to humble-brag, but we were very supportive of one another. Granted, we are both fairly considerate of one another. I know what a skeptic would say, “you don’t know until you’re married”. I say it is better to ask now than for either of us to hold our peace.
One final note before I publish this post. I love these first steps and feel like everything is being thought out. The stuff that hasn’t been thought out will come and that’s what makes this process so promising. If anything, I’m getting to learn more about myself as I learn to get to know there woman I love.
Intentional Vulnerability 