Week 2 Reflection: Her

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more so we may fear less. – Marie Curie

“What scares you most about marriage?” Can you believe that was the first thing we pulled out of that ridiculous hat! Nothing like ripping off the band aid and diving right in. I think it was perfect though.

Fear is one of the most misunderstood things in all of life. Some people want desperately to banishes completely while others dare not even look directly at it. It drives a myriad of choices made on a daily basis and yet most of us never sit down and talk about what it really is and why.

As I was preparing for this weeks convention I wanted to be intellectually honest as well as emotionally honest. To me that meant not just listing off what scares me about marriage but really looking at it long enough to understand why that scares me. For example- one of the things that scares me is that we would have a breakdown in communication. Why is that scary? Well because for me, one of my deepest insecurities and pains is that I am not worthy of connection and thus end up isolated even while lying next to someone. I have seen couples who let communications break down and it undermines their entire marriage and they wake up one morning and have no idea who they are married to.

We talked through our fears. We laughed a little, I cried because… yeah, that’s what I do when things get real. And we connected in a way I have never connected to anyone before. I shared what hurt and shaped and terrified me and got support and understanding and love in return. We hit some really raw topics, and neither of us turned away. I think for me that is the ideal of what marriage should be- seeing the real you in all your mess and sifting through it with you instead of turning up your nose and leaving.

So my dear, in all my mess and all my flaws, despite the fact that standing in a white dress at the end of an isle with everyone staring at me still makes me feel like I’m going to jump out of my skin, if you are there with me, I’m not scared or at least I’m willing to face my fear and conquer it. With you by my side I feel fearless. I love you.