I’ve been avoiding writing this post. Mostly, my issue hasn’t been time. I can find time, but I can’t always find the energy. That is a major issue that arose this last week. The topic by the way was our personal meaning of weddings. While weddings are joyous occasions filled with family, fun, and frivolity, they require energy and a ton of it.
Now, I feel fairly firm in my belief that weddings, like marriage, take coordination, commitment, communication, work, time, money, etc. I understand that the “et cetera” I just provided is a big one. However, before a couple jumps into the “et cetera” of life there needs to be a definite line between dating and marriage. Like right-of-passage ceremonies, graduations, and birthdays, weddings are a seminal part of life. These moments need their own time, but how much?
In my mind, I would enjoy a long engagement. A year would be most ideal. Right now feels more like a pre-engagement and I have no idea how long that will take, but we will see. The thing is: right now her and I’s relationship is matching up to the effort that we are putting into it. That should remain true throughout our relationship, but with certain big steps coming up in our careers, a wedding seems almost out of the question. It would be easy to just get the piece of paper and be done with it.
My reflection has me a bit more stumped than articulated. I have learned that having a wedding is a fight between what is easy and what is right. That’s not to say that those terms are mutually exclusive either. I know myself well enough to know that I would put more strain on our relationship than needed. I know my timing is terrible with talking about stressful topics and that I don’t want to make her residency harder than it needs to be. Planning a wedding, as we have established, takes a lot of “et cetera”.
I don’t know then. I don’t know if we should wait or rush. Both of these choices have pitfalls that can leave the relationship broken or strained. We can’t be afraid of making a mistake together. I know we could heal and work it out, but I would like to avoid the relationship ER for as long as possible; indefinitely, would be a good choice for any ER. We will have to make a decision at some point and we will be tired. I have no doubt in my mind that we can pick up each other’s slack. I’m very certain that we will make the right choice for us at the time we need to make it. God is on our side.
Intentional Vulnerability 