The “her” and I took a break from a concentrated effort on our courtship the last several weeks so we could concentrate surviving the holidays. I’m grateful for the time she got to spend Christmas Day with her family and the thought that this may be our last major holiday away from one another was my favorite gift this year.
I wanted to reflect on the holiday itself and all the events leading up-to my last xmas alone. It wasn’t the hardest I’ve experienced, but it was difficult. I’m also going to say “screw it” and plainly say what I’m thinking.
My oldest brother is an alcoholic. He is most certainly high functioning, but still an alcoholic. He drank the entire time and every time I see him, he is getting drunk. Besides the constant denial around the whole thing, a reality check is what he desperately needs. I complain about this because I wish I could help, but I’ll never have the ability.
That being said, the support, love, and caring I received was more meaningful than the decorations on the tree. I was able to learn a great deal about myself by reflecting with her.
I also wanted to make a point about my mother’s behavior. She handled herself spectacularly and I’m proud of her for that effort. I know she has struggled herself.
My point in all these ramblings and half thoughts is to express exactly that: half thoughts. I realize that while this courtship is attempting to cover many of the huge impending relationship topics, it is only covering half of the relationship, the half of planning and expectations. The other half, the messy half, is always at our doorstep waiting to let it self in without knocking.
She has done a wonderful job protecting me from shock and surprise. I have attempted likewise to do the same. I mean, we have given each other a run down of all the family history. While that seems like a great idea right before a get-together or holiday, I noticed that the emotional energy then gets weighed on the warner. I feel more conscience warning her about my family members than bracing her. I have a feeling that she is the same way. You can sometime expect the messy half to show up, but it’s just more stress.
The holidays were difficult. Messy had shown up and stayed, but I feel like I have been able to talk it out, process, and move on. I want to thank my other in all of this. Without her, the holidays would have been more of a nuclear explosion of emotion than a firecracker on the foot that it was. We will keep working on the planned so that we may be at our best for the unplanned. Thank you.
Intentional Vulnerability 