I wanted to take this week to reflect more on the week than on the conversation. Our topic was finances. Simply put, we realized quickly that the topic was less down-the-road and more on our front doorstep. The reality hit much harder than anticipated that we would need to start figuring out finances if we were going to move together. While the panic of talking money was already enough for me to bear, the real stress came from everything else in the week.
We both had a ton of firsts this week. We opened our first joint Christmas present together (matching pajamas), we had our first couples date (the Andy’s at Mox), and we had our first shared frustration. Without going into too much detail, I’ll say that we were fairly upset by one person’s attitude and actions. It wasn’t anything too big for me, still upsetting though. However, for my counterpart in crime, it was too much too far.
She makes life a lot easier for me. The main way she does this is by constantly revealing what she wants. She voices what she wants all the time. I hear “oh how cute!”, “isn’t that adorable?”, and “don’t you just love it?”. Every time we go into a store is another opportunity to find something she likes. She loves to love and be excited. Most of the time she thinks about others. Those initial expletive statements are always followed by, “(fill in blank), would love that”. The amount of love she has to give is more than she can give in a lifetime.
I saw two concerns with this last week, both involving me. The first, financially, I’m going to need to learn how to be comfortable with her gift giving. I’m not very good at receiving gifts or spending too much. The second, I’m going to have to learn what to do when we are both upset. This second one is much harder to explain.
Essentially, this last weekend we went back and forth with anxiety, anger, and depression. At times, I was confused and couldn’t identify what the heck was eating at me. Other times, she was overwhelmed, but couldn’t figure out what was going on. It wasn’t until we sat down for dinner that is dawned on both of us: Saturday was a difficult day, albeit a good one. We both had the same reaction to a shared event. We both were bothered by the same comments. We both couldn’t figure out what was happening.
We talked through the feelings. It helped to map out what had happened and we were able to share a moment of emotional release. Really, it was our first time taking care of each other emotionally. This is something that being single is much harder to accomplish.So, while I can worry away about finances and she can take care of me, and I can take care of her with her “gremlins”, it is wonderful to know that we can take care of one another. This last week was fraught with all sorts of emotions, some good and some not-so-good. I know that will continue down this path towards discussing the difficult topics.
Intentional Vulnerability 